I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i think i just lost a toe
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
