i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
