I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
