is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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