I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
