i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
