even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
