He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
