if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
where does the pee come out of this thing
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
