Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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