Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
