at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
