You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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