i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
