nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
