apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
