He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
