Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
