so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
wanna go halves on a baby?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
