saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
