Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
