You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
