i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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