We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
