Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
