Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
