saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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