Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
