I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
