She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
