You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
