alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
