Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
