I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
