i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
