Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
soo... how was my night?
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