We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
