i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
