I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
