After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
