this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
