walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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