what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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