I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
