found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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