And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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