I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
