the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
