we're chasing vodka with high fives
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
