What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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