So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are two peas in an std pod
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
