so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
