Me. At least after what I've been through.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
