mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
