just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
