She's JV to your varsity
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
