When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
