Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
