I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
