mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
