I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
