Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
